glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
