Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
