For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
