we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
