I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
