I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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