other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
