I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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