I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
