Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
