Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
