Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
