apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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