His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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