I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
