how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
