You really coming over, don't trick.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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