my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
