I wish I could punch you in the face.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
