You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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