I look better un-naked...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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