I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
