i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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