$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
