she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
