just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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