White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
