my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
