I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
third nipple confirmed
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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