I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
