If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i will never coherently bang her
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
