My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
he high fived his dick after we had sex
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
