Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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