He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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