It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
