Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
