Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
