sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
