DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
