you traded sex for a burrito?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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