talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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