Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
