can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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