i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
