Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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