Only a mothe r could love this liver
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
