I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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