Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
pray to the hookup gods
I want to fling myself into the sun
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
