i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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