addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
