i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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