I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
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