Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
