I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize