i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
