HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
