Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
