girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
