i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
