That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
