From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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