did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
