Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
