I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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