I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
ttyl tear gas
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize