I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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