I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize