At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Your dad touched me again.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
