i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
