the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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